It Isn't About the Trash Can

By Christine B. Whelan, The Washington Post, November 11, 2008

Washington, USA -- Picture this: You're staring at the kitchen trash and feel a surge of frustration. You just saw your partner stuff one more thing into the already overflowing bin without making a move to empty it. Ready to pick a fight, you're about to lash out with an angry indictment of your partner's overall worth as a human being. Then you stop.

You've been taking classes in something called mindfulness, so you take a deep breath and step back. You identify and feel your emotions, and then let them pass. You find the real source of your frustration: It's not the trash; it's that you don't feel appreciated around the house. Instead of an opening volley of obscenities, you consider how to resolve the broader issue.

Sound too New Age-y to work in your household? It might be worth a try: Researchers at major universities are exploring the benefits of Buddhist mindfulness techniques to help families increase feelings of closeness and decrease relationship stress -- and the results are promising. Just as the latest Hollywood incarnation of the Incredible Hulk keeps his green-hot anger under control with daily meditations, so are some people learning to manage emotions in their relationships.

In mental health terms, mindfulness is the awareness that emerges from focusing on the present and the ability to perceive -- but not judge -- your own emotions with detachment; it enables you to choose helpful responses to difficult situations rather than reacting out of habit. While Western thought separates religion and science, Buddhists see mindfulness as both a spiritual and psychological force.

Mindfulness isn't simply about calming down, and it's certainly not about giving in. It's about recognizing that you're tired as you go home on a crowded Metro train, so that when somebody bumps into you, you decide to say, "Excuse me!" instead of pushing back. It's about picking an effective way to discipline your teenager for staying out until 3 a.m. rather than responding like an angry child yourself.

Mindfulness therapies for depression have had well-documented success: Depressed people focus on the negatives, locking themselves into a destructive thought cycle that makes the depression worse. Mindfulness training helps them become aware of this cycle and snap out of it.

The same thing is true for couples gearing up for a rehash of an old argument, says Robyn Walser, a psychologist and co-author of "The Mindful Couple" (to be published in February by New Harbinger). "If you are aware of life as a process, not as an outcome, you step back from the argument. "

These techniques of awareness can also prove helpful for children with behavioral problems, says Randye Semple, an assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at the University of Southern California. "We teach the kids to find choice points," she says, showing them that "you can take time to breathe and look at the situation, and then you can choose not to be angry."

Semple begins to train 9- to 12-year-olds in mindfulness by having them focus intently on what they're doing during routine activities such as brushing teeth: maintaining constant awareness of the position of the brush, the taste of the toothpaste, the motion of their hands. After completing her 12-session program, Semple says, children report lower levels of anxiety and are less likely to act out.

Semple encourages parents to demonstrate attentive choices: "Children whose parents are mindful will also be more mindful." Researchers are planning to expand mindfulness training to include more-difficult children, such as those suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.

Starting Small

Some people are naturally more skilled at these techniques than others, but researchers say that mindfulness can be taught. It's like muscle training, says Jim Carson, a psychologist at Oregon Health & Science University.

Short daily meditations, in which you learn to anchor your attention in the present moment by focusing on the feeling of the breath moving in your body, are good for beginners, he says. Then, "begin to pay attention to the times you share with your partner when you feel connected -- what's going on in that moment. Tune in and learn from that." He also suggests reversing that exercise to pay attention to sources of stress in your relationship and keeping a brief journal of those feelings.

This kind of observation can help you prevent an argument from beginning in the first place. "It's an early-warning system. You are able to become aware sooner of the tension rising," says Christopher Montone, director of the Shambhala Meditation Center in Cleveland Park.

Kirk Warren Brown, an assistant professor of social psychology at Virginia Commonwealth University, co-developed a 15-point mindful attention awareness scale (see box) and has used it to test the levels of mindfulness of college students in romantic relationships. He has conducted two studies that suggest increased mindfulness correlates with overall relationship happiness.

In the first, he found that men and women are equally likely to be mindful, and if one person in the relationship is mindful, both members of the couple can benefit.

In the second study, Brown asked longtime couples to discuss a contentious issue in the relationship while being observed in his lab. Those who scored higher on the mindfulness scale were less anxious and less hostile after having such simulated conflicts with their significant others, he found.

"Mindfulness tends to inoculate people against feeling negative thoughts in the first place. You go into the conflict with less anxiety and hostility, and mindfulness seems to prevent those symptoms from arising," Brown says.

Mutually Beneficial

Carson finds that couples who practice mindfulness together can benefit not only from the individual attentiveness skills but also from the fact that they are sharing a new experience. "The practice of mindfulness together is a way that couples feel that they are deepening their relationship."

Even if only one partner is trying, the couple still benefits, he says. "If one partner is accepting and open, it's very hard for the other partner to push against that."

To an observer it might look as if the more mindful spouse is likely to lose an argument, but Walser says: "We don't advocate that people become carpets to be walked all over. There's a difference between accepting what you feel and think and allowing someone else to always have their way." Walser notes that this increased awareness can help individuals see when their relationship is in serious distress.

"I don't think it's a cure-all, but we can say with confidence that there's an emerging literature that suggests that mindfulness can help people re-regulate their body and their behavior," says Ruth Quillian-Wolever, an assistant professor of psychiatry and the research director at the Duke Integrative Medicine practice at Duke University, who has led studies of behavior change through mindfulness.

Although Buddhist ideas are at the core of mindfulness and meditation practices, psychologists usually separate the religious aspects from the clinical practice of mindfulness. "We acknowledge the source of the training, but it's not religiously grounded. These are practical skills that are present in all wisdom and spiritual traditions," says Carson.

Visionary leadership

The Buddhist Channel, November 2, 2008

The core challenge of leadership is for all of us to have visions and to come up with the tools and systems to get there

Petaling Jaya, Malaysia -- Datuk Dr. Victor Wee is a keynote speaker for the forthcoming WACANA conference, to be held on December 7 in Petaling Jaya, Malaysia. In the following interview, Datuk Dr Wee gave his views on Buddhist leadership outlook in the country, core challenges faced by Buddhist leaders, three main pillars of leadership

Can you give us a brief overview of the Buddhist leadership outlook in the country?

Buddhist leaders now are more mature compared with leaders of the past generation. They have become more exposed and skillful, and generally run organizations in a very competent way. But we are also saying that it is important for leaders to come together in order for us to focus our energies, so that we are able to do something really wonderful for the country. The Buddhist community for the future begins right now. Buddhist leaders must adopt good methodologies and mechanisms to produce competent future Dhamma workers. We must not think about ourselves for the present only; we should try to build the Buddhist community for the future.

What would be the core challenges for Buddhist leaders in Malaysia?

The core challenge of leadership is for all of us to have visions. We need to be able to know what we want in the next 5, 10 or 20 years' time. We need to think for ourselves about the ideal state for Buddhism in the future. The next thing we really require is to come up with the tools and systems to get there.

One of the challenges that we face is that people running Buddhist organizations are quite happy with the present state of affairs in their own organizations and temples, because the crowds come in every Sunday or Wesak Day! But in reality, sometimes the activities we run do not produce leaders. The (present) leaders happen to emerge because of some intrinsic abilities that they have, in spite of the system! Honestly (at the moment) we do not have a system to develop Buddhist workers and leaders in a very structured way. If we do not start developing that, it is unlikely that we will achieve whatever vision we set for ourselves. So this is the challenge Buddhist leaders coming together for WACANA 2008 would have to face: having a shared vision on what we want to see happen, and coming out with a system of operationalizing it and making things work.

Can you briefly explain the three main pillars of leadership, i.e. vision, values, and vitality?

Firstly, I think this topic is very appropriate for our situation right now. The first principle is having vision. When you have vision, you can see very far ahead. We need our leaders to have that kind of vision to see the way forward for our community.

Values are important because without them, your integrity may be questioned; then the whole basis of Buddhist leadership is in question. Values are to ensure that as we move towards our vision, things do not go astray, that we are actually going the way we envisaged.

Vitality is the ability to generate that kind of creative energy to make things move. It is the force that provides the action for us to move from where we are right now into the shared vision. If you have a vision, it is not good enough if you do not have the vitality or you do not have the right values.

So, I believe it is very ideal that for this WACANA, we are getting speakers from neighbouring countries - from Thailand, Indonesia and Singapore - to come and share with us some of the situations which are occurring within our region that we may not know of.

And of course it is a great opportunity for our local Buddhist leaders, as well as those who are interested in the subject of leadership development, to attend WACANA 2008. We must begin to think of ourselves as a community. We should identify some things on which we can actually work together, so that it is not with just one pair of hands, but many pairs of hands working collectively towards a common goal.

As Co-organiser of WACANA 2008, what do you hope to achieve from the conference?

Well, I would like this conference to not only come up with a nice publication, and to hear people saying, "Oh, this has been a fantastic conference!" Actually this conference should have some kind of an impact. Five years from now when we look back, we say, "things have actually changed for the better because we had a WACANA."

Maybe 10 years from now, we can say WACANA itself has stimulated many other things which grew from this original idea. Perhaps a generation later, the Buddhist community will be different from what it is now, and we can say that we have reached a higher level because people with ideas have put together a mechanism and agreed to work together in order to produce this new situation.

Of course, if it happens, that would be ideal and something truly wonderful. If not, people will at least go back satisfied and say, "Wow! There were some very good ideas that we've picked up at WACANA!"

On the web: www.nalanda.org.my/wacana.

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Dr. Victor Wee is the Co-organizer of WACANA 2008 (as the Buddhist Gem Fellowship's President).

Jataka Tales: A Window Into Buddhist India

By Cherian Philipose, The Epoch Times, Oct 28, 2008

Taipei, Taiwan -- The teachings of the Buddha have contained both doctrine and stories. Buddhism has traditionally been taught by monks in societies that have been illiterate. Most people could not read the scriptures. Not everyone could comprehend subtle intellectual concepts. Therefore, the Buddha used stories to communicate spiritual truths.

The Jataka Tales are part of this tradition. They are tales told by the Buddha about his previous lives. In these narratives, the Buddha is always referred to as the Bodhisattva (a spiritual practitioner who has not yet reached perfection).

The literature of early Buddhism is always illuminating. The ideas found in it are quite contemporary. Buddhist doctrine did not confine itself to the notion of enlightenment. It often dealt with social issues. In the Buddha’s time animal sacrifice was quite common. He opposed the practice, teaching that those who killed animals would accumulate karma for their actions. They would have to pay it back.

Today, the idea of animal rights is well established. Those who campaign for animal rights, however, may not believe in karma. Their concern is often simply to prevent, or at least reduce, cruelty to animals.

We use animals, for our profit and our pleasure. Australia exports millions of sheep to the Muslim world to be slaughtered for Ramadan. Activists are rightly concerned about the manner in which the sheep are transported. They do not like the fact that the sheep are killed in a brutal fashion once they reach their destination.

The response to the manner is which we treat animals, is interesting. There are people who are vegetarian for political reasons. Some are vegan. The shift in the public mind, has led to supermarkets that sell free-range eggs and free range chicken.

The world is of course, increasingly committed to animal rights, as it remains committed to human rights. There is much greater awareness now, that the whole planet is interlinked, and that what we do to it, comes back to us.

It is quite possible then, that in a subtle way, we are moving back towards the idea of karma.

The Goat that Laughed & Cried

(It is important to note that in his past lives, the Buddha is known as the Boddhisattva)

The Buddha was assembled along with his disciples at a time when many people were sacrificing animals in a Feast for the Dead. They believed the animals had to be killed in order to feed their dead ancestors.

The monks asked Buddha if he thought these sacrifices did any good. He replied that they did not. He said one accumulated karma by doing this and one suffer for it later. Then, he told the following story:

“During the reign of Brahmadatta, in the city of Benares, there lived a Brahmin. One day, he told two of his disciples to take his goat down to the river and sacrifice it for The Feast of the Dead. His sons bathed and groomed the animal and began to lead the goat down to the river. At that moment, the goat remembered the deeds it had committed in its past lives. It became overjoyed that on that day it would be freed from its misery. In its happiness, it burst out laughing. A little later, when it realized that the Brahmin would pay a price for killing it, it was moved to compassion and started crying. The disciples were amazed.

They asked the goat. “Tell us why you laughed earlier and why you cry now.”

The goat replied, “Ask me this question in front of your master.”

The Brahmin’s sons led the goat back to their master and told him what had happened. After hearing the story, the Brahmin asked the goat why it had cried and why it had wept.

One being asked that question, the goat remembered its past lives very clearly.

It replied “In the past, O Brahmin, I too, was like you, well-versed in the scriptures. In order to make an offering for the Feast of the Dead, I sacrificed a goat. For the karma I accumulated from sacrificing that goat; I have had my head cut off lifetime after lifetime. So far, my head has been cut off 499 times. This will be my last time and after this I shall have repaid my karma for that deed. I laughed because I was happy at the prospect that I would at last be set free from this crime. I cried because I felt great compassion for you. I knew that you too would have your head cut off 500 times.”

When the Brahmin heard this, he was greatly moved.

“Do not fear, goat,” he said. “I shall not kill you.”

“What’s this you say, Brahmin?” cried the goat. “Your protection is too weak. I am destined to die today and the force of my karma is much greater than the force of your protection.”

The Brahmin ordered his disciples to set the goat free and make sure that no one hurt it wherever it wandered.

As soon as the goat was set free, it stretched out its neck to eat the leaves of a bush growing near a rock. At that moment, a bolt of lightning struck the rock. A huge piece of the rock broke off and hit the goat on its outstretched neck. Its head was severed instantly. People came running and gathered round to stare.

In those days, the Bodhisattva was a Tree-Fairy. And now he floated cross-legged above the people. He thought, “If only these people knew the truth about evil-doing, perhaps they would stop killing.” In a honeyed voice, he began to give the people a teaching on karma and reincarnation.

When those people heard the teaching, their inner wisdom awakened. They gave up animal sacrifice and spent the rest of their lives in acts of charity. When they died, they went up to Heaven.”

When the Buddha finished the story, he told the monks, “In that life, O monks, I was the Tree-Fairy.”

Looking Deeper Beneath "Painted Skin"

by Shen Shi'an, The Buddhist Channel, Oct 31, 2008

Dharma-Inspired Movie Review: http://huapi.ent.sina.com.cn

Singapore -- The film "Painted Skin" was adapted from one of the beloved fables from the classic Liaozhai Zhiyi (Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio), which collects some five hundred spooky tales. A timeless classic is one because it still sheds light upon ourselves in an enlightening manner. As such, good supernatural horror stories are really skilful vehicles which warn of the possible horrors of human-nature. This is the truth in fiction.

As suggested by the title, a "foxy" demon dons a painted human skin to tempt men. When they get close, she tears out and devours their hearts. It's a literally "heart-wrenching" experience at its possible worst! Yes, it's one of those cautionary tales on not judging someone by their appearance. Those who look human might be heartlessly demonic, while the demonic can transform to be humane too.

Beauty is only skin deep, and the skin is not very deep! What lies beneath might be a can of worms. (Watch the film to see what I mean!) From a broader perspective, while there might be demons in the guise of humans, there are humans who are entirely physically so, while invisible inner demons lurk within their minds. Such demons are so much harder to detect for the unmindful, including one's own!

The demon, who could only associate with humans as sources of "hearty" food became infatuated with a married man. She begins yearning for his love. She seduces him, but he adamantly stays loyal despite being a little shaky in conviction. Jealous of his wife, the demon schemes against her. Meanwhile, the wife knew she was a demon, but could not convince her husband so due to the lack of evidence.

But what is love without trust? Then again, can we trust someone else entirely when we cannot trust ourselves at times? Is the benefit of the doubt always beneficial? There is no clear answer, while it is our onus to discern the truth best we can and to help one another to do the same. The inner demons in this case are suspicion and delusion. Devious indeed these are, both capable of thwarting reality and destroying trust.

The story questions the paradoxical nature of commitment in the face of temptation. If one is already with one's supposed true love, how can one be tempted by another? Unless one's love was not true enough? Or is commitment that despite temptation? Perhaps it depends on what is meant by love. Is it in this context friendship mixed with lust? "Love" is a very generally used word indeed - sometimes tainted with hidden lust; other times without a trace.

Is it infidelity when a married person lusts for another? If so, does it imply that love is supposed to include lust? If one loves without lusting, is it a love more or less true? Or would it be "merely" parental or friendly platonic love? Why do many see exclusive lust for oneself as crucial in an intimate relationship, when it makes it more worldly than spiritual? In Buddhism, true love includes lust-free unconditional loving-kindness concerned with the welfare of all.

What is the cost of love? Does true love sacrifice everyone else in its way, or does it only sacrifice oneself? Does love become lovelier when it sacrifices more of others or oneself? Does true love not truly set the beloved free and rejoice in the beloved being happy… even if it is with another? The demon realised that she had sacrificed everything but herself in her pursuit for "love", which rendered her quest impure.

Not only did the wife love her husband, she cared for the others in the household too, as she agreed to sacrifice herself – only if the demon promised not to harm him or the others. The man loved his wife too, but was tempted by the demon to trust her. He realises his mistake and sacrifices himself for his wife - after getting the demon to agree to restore his wife's life.

The demon was ruthless at first, willing to "sacrifice" even the man's beloved wife – out of love and lust for him, to be with him. Hers was a selfish "love". Though she too yearned for unconditional love, hers was heavily conditioned with deceit and murder. However, in the end, she was touched by the man and wife's love for each other, and sacrificed herself to make amends before it was too late.

On the whole, the script is a dramatic yet subtle study of love and sacrifice. We might not be able to find true love, or love all truly straightaway. But all is not lost. As a Buddhist friend put it, "Love is love. Love might not be totally true now. But love can always become more true." And we know love can eventually be perfected, because the Buddha exemplified it perfectly via his thoughts, words and deeds.